i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
