Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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