If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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