Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
