If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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