I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
