try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
