oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
