i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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