these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
