I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I understand Curling. That high.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
