Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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