I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
