i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
