Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize