KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
