fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
