Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
