I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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