i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
