I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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