i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
