dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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