I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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