My room smells like vodka and shame
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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