i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
