dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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