There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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