Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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