somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
