I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
