Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
