Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
