True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
