I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He did a backflip because drugs
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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