I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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