Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
