I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i think my cat just said my name.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
