did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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