I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
