Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize