the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
