he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
