WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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