Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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