five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she told me i tasted like america
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
