y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is Oprah even human
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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