On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize