Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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