dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
