I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
