Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
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