She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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