The maid of honor just puked.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
