My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
