Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
