let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize