you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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