Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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