Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
