I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
