So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
