this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
