i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
