sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
