Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
