i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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