Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I need moral support for this bender
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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