Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize