Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
