WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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