we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This is my gift to your gina
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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