That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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