I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
