Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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