i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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