I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
