batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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