so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize