I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
