Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
