just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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