I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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