Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
