My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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