I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize