After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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