It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
