where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
