You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
