lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
