Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You were trust falling into bushes
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
