Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
