Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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