final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
