apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
