I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
