I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
