Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
