You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Randomize
