weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
