Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
