Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
