I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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