You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
