I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
